10 Things: Road Dog Edition

Like so many of you, I make my living on the road. There is no shortage of work to be done out there, and I am blessed to be invited to places I might not ever see otherwise. I have made some truly lasting friendships from this life on the road; I met my partner in this manner, as well. I tell you this because I love what I do, and the way I get to do it. That being said, there are also some things I have learned about a life on the road, and not all of them are pretty. Here now, my latest 10 Things list: Truisms From the Road.

1. The laws of physics don’t apply on airplanes. Specifically the whole concept of two things not being able to occupy the same space at the same time. Because I have been stepped on by more douchey business guys who have decided that the space I’m occupying in the aisle of the airplane, waiting to get off, is the space they are going to occupy. I am 5’7″ tall with a mass of red, curly hair and a bad attitude. I know you see me. Don’t make me use these pointy elbows.
2. Want a great meal? Look for them in the places you don’t expect to find them. I just got back from Jackson, MS where I had consistently more satisfying meals (lamb ribeye, pulled pork BBQ) than I had the week before in Montreal.
3. When flying on a non-profit budget (read: cheapest ticket possible) elite/premier/ambassador/celestial status matters not a bit when someone of the same status, flying on a more expensive ticket, is also trying to snag an upgrade. Why yes, I’d love to claim my seat in coach for this cross-country flight. Thanks for asking.
4. Charlotte Douglas Airport is my least favorite airport in the US. Some of you feel that way about ATL or ORD, but ATL has a train, and ORD has Rick Bayless’ sandwich shop, so I have to rank those a bit higher on my list. I have yet to connect through CLT and not have to travel from the end of the C concourse to the end of the E concourse, usually in high heels and uncomfortable undergarments. And something you should know–just because C and E are close together in the alphabet does not mean they are close together in Charlotte.
5. Along those same lines: if I have a 4 hour layover, I will leave from the same gate I arrived. If I have a 35 minute layover, I will have to pick up supplies and hire a sherpa to get me to my gate in the next county over, and there will not be any mechanized transport to help me on my journey.
6. The smaller the airport, the more likely they are to have free wifi.
7. Airline clubs make everything better. The best money I spend every year is the fee on my platinum Amex card, which gives me access to clubs all over the world. If you spend a significant amount of time in airports, it’s worth the investment. Amex has also bailed me out of a jam in China, so I will always be loyal.
8. All hotels should have, at a minimum: 2 (clean) bath towels, a minibar or option for 24 hour access to food/booze, and extra blankets in the closet. I’m a simple girl with simple needs, but I’d also like to not walk in and feel like this is the place where most of the sexual assault reports are coming from in the jurisdiction. I’m talking to you, Alamosa, CO.
9. (Specific to my female readers) Getting hit on by a guy in a hotel bar or airplane who doesn’t respect the hostility forcefield? Tell him you’re an astrophysicist. Works like a charm.
10. If you are a healthcare provider of some sort, it doesn’t matter if you do not do critical care or emergency medicine; it doesn’t matter if you need 45 minutes to start an IV; it doesn’t matter if you are, in fact, a hooha specialist–at some point in your life on the road the guy sitting next to you on an airplane is going to have an MI. And it’s just going to be you and Skippy the wonder doc, who can’t help but call the patient in question, “Bro”, trying to keep this guy’s ticker beating.